View Related
Are you one of these people that cannot say no? You are perceived to be superhuman? Any problem, any issue , you there to help to sort things out? Someone needs a babysitter, you there? Someone needs a lift, you there? Someone needs help with DIY , guess who’s there? Are you the dependable kind? People want to talk to you, be with you? You are very popular with lots of friends?
People love off loading their problems onto you? You could be happy as Larry and talk to someone, they tell you their problems and drain your energy? They go off happy and leave you miserable? Are you life’s givers?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving and sharing your time. However one must be careful that one doesn’t become a martyr, once you become that “go to” person, guess what? People will come to you.
It’s human nature to have a tendency to get used to things and actions very quickly so if you are the dependable one , you are labelled and categorised into this bracket. People then tend to forget that you might have your own worries and woes , that you might want a little time to yourself. They start to believe that you were put on this earth for their benefit!! They start to take you for granted.
People Pleaser
Those following the spiritual path tend to have a sensitive disposition, you are able to sympathise and see the other person point of view. So if someone does come to you with a problem you want to naturally help them. What one has to be careful of though is that people don’t start relying you for everything. This pattern can easily develop, as you want to be a good person , as you want to help people , people however just start believing that you will drop everything for them. Why I am writing this cautionary tale, well it’s because I am one of those givers in life. This is not said with any arrogance , it is who I am. I am a bit of a people pleaser, I don’t want people to think that I am not helping them. How could I not be there if they need me. I don’t want to be appear selfish so I end up running around after everybody and forget about myself. Although spirituality speaks about service of others and self sacrifice, there’s should be a limit on what you can offer.
Balancing Act
How do you help out others without losing out on who you are and your needs? It’s a difficult balancing act, we all have responsibilities and we cannot say no in certain circumstances like if a child needs feeding, changing etc . What I am saying is to choose how to spend your time and to choose who to help out and when to say no. If you are not used to saying no , it can be difficult at first , a lot of guilt comes into , not only from yourself but also from people around you. People can used various techniques to get to you do what they want, the classic one is emotional blackmail or plain old manipulation. Do you remember when I was there for you ? All the things I have done for you? I have no one else to help me,. How I am going to get it done? I cannot believe you are having a rest over helping me and so on.
Your kind heart then starts to feel bad, starts to think they must be right . I want to please them and they will stop loving/liking me if I don’t do want they want . There maybe a confrontation, wouldn’t it just be easier to do it? If someone truly cares about you , they will understand that sometimes you will need to put yourself first that it doesn’t mean you aren’t there for them but sometimes you may have event in your life that needs attention which is far greater than their need.
At first people will be shocked that good old dependable you has said no, it throws them. They had put you in this lovely box where they could always come to you and you would do what they required. Now they don’t know where to place you. All I can say is that you need to start saying no but expect resistance from people , things like “you have changed”, “I cannot believe you weren’t there for me” etc etc. I say just bear with this stage, until you get to the other side when they start understanding what you are about , that you will there if the really needed but ultimately you sometimes will have to prioritise yourself and this doesn’t make you selfish. This means that you are showing yourself respect and are forcing the others to show you some too.
You are here to help people , to progress humanity but you are not here to be someone emotional crutch , you are not here to be a doormat. You are here to fulfil your own potential, to learn, to grow and how are you meant to do that if someone is constantly monopolising your time
Post Article:
Submit Your Own Article