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How many times have you asked yourself, "When will I receive the goodness I deserve, especially after all the good I have done for others?" Too often to remember, is what most of you would say, and this would be essentially correct.
What about all the times you were told, "Do what you love, and the money will follow," - only to find that when you did, you weren't valued by the ones you chose to serve? Again, more times than you might care to recall.
What does it mean to feel that you're "not good enough", no matter how hard you try? And why do these feelings seem to keep good things from happening to you?
Feeling that you're not good enough - or that you're not good at what you do - means that somewhere deep inside, you feel unworthy of love, and you believe that you must do something about it.
This misperception formed the first time you felt separated from the love around you. For many, this happened during childhood. Perhaps you were criticized for something you did or said. Often the words, "You've been a bad boy" or "Don't be a bad girl" were heard. The circumstances were not as important as the feelings they evoked in you. Feelings that reside within you, even now.
When you are told that you've been "bad" by someone you love, how can you ever hope to feel "good" about yourself afterward, especially if you are punished for this, too? Instead, you internalize the hurt. And as more such painful experiences accumulate, you begin to believe they are true. Soon, you accept that there is something wrong with you, and that you must try harder to win the approval of those around you.
And so, your journey into suffering begins.
Inner Conflicts About Your Worth
Any time you feel that you're not good enough, you can be certain that part of you is convinced that you must try harder to be loved. This isolated portion of your self awareness seems to be in direct conflict with the core part of you that remembers your worth and goodness.
This internal conflict is common in children, and unless it is healed with love and understanding, it will be carried over into adulthood. Inner conflicts like these can paralyze your capacity to feel love, and they can prevent you from enjoying the things you value most, whether at work or play.
Lightworkers are especially susceptible to this dilemma. Although you feel motivated to serve with compassion and understanding, what you do never seems to be quite good enough for you or others.
You have high hopes that you will be appreciated and even rewarded for who you are, and this encourages you to give more of yourself, but again with negligible results. Your mind tells you that you've done everything correctly, but the empty feeling in your heart tells you that it wasn't enough.
The truth is that you are on a treadmill. You are conditioned to keep trying harder and harder to get things right, because deep down inside, you believe that you're "not good enough" for good things to happen to you. This belief can be traced back to the rejections you experienced as a child, simply because you felt the disturbances in your connection with others so profoundly.
Who Is "Not Good Enough"?
"Not Good Enough" is the part of you that feels that you don't deserve good things to happen to you, or to be loved just as you are. It is a portion of your living energy - the Spirit that you are - that was convinced in early childhood that it had been separated from God, you, and those around you. It still feels threatened today.
This part of your awareness believes that it is you, but it is not. It is a sub-personality or fragment of your ego. It seems to have a life of its own, but it is only active when you focus your attention on it - whenever you accept its belief that you are not good enough. In truth, it is only a misperception of who you think you are.
"Not Good Enough" is one of your important sub-personalities. It is so convinced that you are unworthy, that it can't imagine that you exist outside of this experience. Because it believes this so completely, it waits for these conditions to be fulfilled, knowing that sooner or later you will be hurt by someone who finds you flawed and unlovable.
"Not Good Enough" is also a saboteur. It will not allow you to escape its beliefs about who you are. If you dare to do something that you love - something you're good at, or something that you feel good doing - it will feel threatened by this, and not permit it. It will tell you that who you really are is "Not Good Enough", and because you are, you cannot possibly feel good about anything. It will remind you of this over and over, until you believe it again.
"Not Good Enough" will undermine you with doubt, suspicion, and self-judgment to the point that you abandon what feels good to you, or what you might enjoy doing. If this doesn't work, it will draw down the disapproval of others upon you, so that you can blame them for your discouragement, instead of dealing with your own feelings of unworthiness.
Lightworker Illusions
Does this sound familiar? Many of you struggle with this. The tiredness, the discouragement, the pretty dreams that don't come true, no matter how hard you try to manifest them. You like to attribute these setbacks to your ascension process, but this is not always so. Sometimes they are lightworker illusions.
This kind of illusion lets you continue sabotaging yourself with feelings of unworthiness, without having to bring them to the light of consciousness. It lets you pretend that ascension is about sacrificing what you love to do in order to grow in consciousness, when what you are really doing is sacrificing your consciousness in order to not grow at all.
Many of you want to serve. You like the idea of it, and you can imagine that it would feel good, if the world would only appreciate you while you are doing it. But wait! Who is this talking? Is this you, or is this "Not Good Enough" speaking on your behalf?
"Not Good Enough" is perfectly happy to let you be inspired by lightworker ideals, and to even let you get involved in these kinds of activities. But it will only let you enjoy yourself to the point that it feels threatened by your growing happiness and pleasure. Then it will remind you that you are "Not Good Enough", and because you are, it is impossible for you to feel good about who or what you are.
It will tell you that no one knows how to appreciate you, or what you have to offer. It will tell you that an employer doesn't value your work, or a parent or spouse doesn't love you, as you deserve to be loved.
Perhaps it will tell you that the world isn't quite ready for someone as sensitive, aware, and loving as you. And when it has finished telling you all this, it will conclude by asking you to stop doing everything that you feel good about. And that's what you'll do, because by now you've been convinced, once again, that "Not Good Enough" is who you are.
You'll find yourself believing that you don't deserve to be happy, or to have good things happen to you; and this is what you'll wind up creating, if you don't put a stop to it.
So, what do you do then?
Do you sit in a corner and wait for things to fall apart? No, dear friend. It's time for you to see the game you're playing with yourself.
What You Can Do, Instead
Know that that you are good enough to live a life of love, fully connected to your Divinity. You are more than good enough. You are your Divinity. God lives in you, as your innermost Self; and because God does, you can assume this perspective any time you like - anytime you hear the voice of doubt saying that all you really are, is "Not Good Enough".
When you consciously choose this higher perspective about your Being, you take up the position of the neutral Observer. You can look at the part of yourself that is confused, and offer it love, instead. You can have compassion for its suffering, but you won't allow it to continue devastating your life. You gently remind it Who You Really Are - a Child of God, and God, also. Then you welcome it back home, into the integrated family of God's Divine qualities that you embody as the unique person that you are.
The greatest gift of kindness and reintegration that you can give to "Not Good Enough" is one of re-purposing. You can tell it that you are whole, and wholly loved, Just As You Are - and that it is welcome back in this place of Wholeness with you. Remind it that you are in charge of love, and that you will give it all the love it needs. Then ask it to be vigilant for your goodness in a different way.
Ask it to be watchful for all the opportunities you will have to feel good about yourself, to do the things you enjoy, and to feel good about them as you do them. Let this part of you safeguard your goodness, instead of sabotaging it. Take it back to the truth of your connection with God, and know that you will be supported in this. And as you do, know that your life will be blessed in many ways.
I Am Saint-Germain.
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It is our belief that the Awakening process is an inward personal journey stripping away fears and emotional baggage that no longer serve you, so YOU can become more of who you truly are. We hope you find these postings enjoyable and uplifting.
Saint-Germain : Channeling : Alexandra Mahlimay : Dan Bennack : Margaret Corrigan :
Saint-Germain : Channeling : Alexandra Mahlimay : Dan Bennack : Margaret Corrigan :
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